Ask Suigetsu?
by Novelist Pup
Summary: You'd be lucky or delusional if you got a reply... A simple parody on one of the oddest crazes yet. [Spoilers]


**Ask Suigetsu?**

Sometimes, when I see the same thing over and over and over again, I get this insatiable urge to…

…make fun of it.

I mean, sure some of these types of stories just might be kinda funny, but seriously.

No.

PHAIL.

So, my response to all of those types of "Ask (Enter Character Here)" fanfics (if they can really be considered as such), I bring you…

**ASK SUIGETSU**. (Possible spoilers if you're just an n00b stuck on the English dub.

**Disclaimer: Suigetsu, Sasuke© Masashi Kishimoto.**

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_Subject: lol SASUKE-KUN _

_Dear Suigetsu, _

_OMG yu totally work with Sasuke-kun rite? _

_Does his underware has the uchiha fan 2? _

* * *

Suigetsu stared in undefined horror at the letter that arrived in his hands just moments before. Normally he would just eat such things that offended him, but he was afraid that he'd forget how to write as well.

So, he turned to Sasuke, who was leaning on the wall in a cold indifference.

"What the hell is this bull, Sasuke?" Suigetsu snapped. Sasuke opened a black eye and shrugged.

"Perhaps you should check out the return address?" he replied.

Suigetsu scowled. "That's the problem! It came from absolutely NOWHERE! There aren't even chakra signs or fingerprints!" he exclaimed. Both of Sasuke's eyes opened now, and he looked a bit worried.

"This is not good; our location has been discovered and quite possibly disclosed. Give me the letter, Suigetsu," Sasuke commanded. The white-haired ninja passed him the paper and the dark-haired teenager read it. Suigetsu watched in concern as Sasuke's facial expressions twisted and turned until it was something that not even _he_ could recognize.

"Suigetsu, get rid of this paper as soon as possible, would you?" Sasuke asked slowly, holding the letter out. Suigetsu took the paper and looked it over one more time.

"Can I write a reply to this?" he found himself asking. Sasuke gave him an odd look and shrugged.

"Do what you must. Just, make sure I never see that waste of trees again." Suigetsu grinned, his frighteningly sharp row of teeth shining in the fire's light. Sasuke sighed.

"Keep your mouth shut, please. It's much easier to look at your face that way." The white-haired ninja's mouth snapped close and he glared at Sasuke.

"…pretty boy thinks he's all that. I'm the one getting fanmail, for him, but addressed to me!…" he muttered as he walked into the small hut in a way to get to a hard surface so he would be able to write his letter. Finding a dry and hard piece of wood, Suigetsu began his writing.

After a while, he when he felt satisfied with his reply, Suigetsu folded it up and put it on the piece of wood, wondering how the hell it was going to get back to the sender.

* * *

In a far away place, a American girl with a identity crisis (for she was under the impression that she was Japanese and fluent in the language, the poor dear) opened her email, checked her LiveJournal messages and came across an email from FanFiction dot Net, stating a Review Reply to a story she probably read and reviewed, and insulted the writer with her fabulous chatspeak.

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Review Reply – ASK SUIGETSU

_Dear SasukeFangrl01, _

_Who the fuck ARE you? How did you get my location? And, goddamnit, why didn't you send the damn letter to Sasuke?! _

_Why the hell would I know what Sasuke's underwear looks like? FUCK, you're an idiot._

_Suigetsu_

* * *

"Ohmahgawd! He replied!" she exclaimed, ignoring the fact that she sent a question to not only a fictional character, but a fictional character being manipulated by a real person. And, well, she's pitching a spasm because said fictional character replied, which is honestly unfathomable, and she's looking over the fact that he insulted her intelligence as well.

And so, she spent the rest of her days bragging about how she got a message from the REAL, ACTUAL, TOTALLY EXISTANT Suigetsu in very bad Japanese/English.

And Suigetsu spent a few days wondering how the flying fuck his reply disappeared into thin air.

_THE END_

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Not meant to insult anybody, honestly.

Just a more realistic view on the entire thing. It's so popular; you HAD to have seen a parody coming.


End file.
